Leader of the Opposition; John-Paul Langbroek

On Saturday, LNP Leader John-Paul Langbroek announced a heavily publicised Shadow Cabinet reshuffle in order to follow the lead of New South Wales Liberal Leader Barry O’Farrell in preparing to govern. The coverage started with the resignation of Gympie MP, David Gibson, who resigned when it was revealed his portfolio was to be given to Lawrence Springborg in the reshuffle.

On ABC with Madonna King, both the Shadow Treasurer; Tim Nicholls and Treasurer; Andrew Fraser were questioned on the reshuffle. It was at this point Andrew Fraser made the assertion and indeed a bet that the three new portfolios, would go to backbenchers Scott Emerson, Jarrod Bleijie, and Tracy Davis. The new portfolios as reported were Public Transport, Science and Research, Families, respectively.

Unfortunately for the Treasurer, he lost that bet by a country mile (quite a large distance as I’m advised). The revealed frontbench as of Sunday showed the three new faces of Jarrod Bleijie, Scott Emeron, and Tracy Davis, as well as a reshuffled portfolio swap.

Jarrod Bleijie; Shadow Attorney General

The biggest “winner” of the reshuffle was the 28-year-old MP for Kawana, Jarrod Bleijie. The former lawyer and bright up-and-comer of the Liberal-National party, was elevated to the position of Shadow Attorney General, and Shadow Minister for Justice and Corrective Services. A large swaith of Government responsibility for the first term MP. I have met and participated in debates with Mr Bleijie, and I can see why he was promoted to the position. The main issues facing Mr Bleijie are the issues of abortion, civil liberties, and the costly courts service. He will now go face to face with Attorney General Cameron Dick, a touted future leader of his own party.

Scott Emerson; Shadow Minister for Science and Research

Scott Emerson, MP for Indooroopilly, has the unique honour of becoming the first Shadow Minister, and potentially first Minister for Science, Research and Information Technology. As he has this unique honour, he also has the predicament that he doesn’t quite have a opposite in Government. Instead his portfolio is currently covered by two Ministerial hardheaders in Paul Lucas (Minister for Health) and Robert Schwarten (Minister for Information and Communication Technology). In the Parliament, it seems that Scott Emerson will have a fun time in his various encounters with these gentlemen.

The final new face featured within the new frontbench team, is Aspley MP; Tracy Davis. Mrs Davis has been appointed to the newly created portfolio of Public Transport. A distinct portfolio dealing with a majority of the concerns of South-East Queenslanders. Her portfolio covers the areas of bus transport, train transport, and light rail (Gold Coast light rail), a distinct fighting ground for the next election. As it concerns electorates currently under majority Labor control. Her time on the frontbench will be marked by verbal jousts with Minister for Transport; Rachel Nolan. However, it is unclear how here shadow portfolio clashes with Fiona Simpson’s portfolio of just; Transport.

However the new teams dynamic plays out, it is clear from the recent Victorian election, that if John Brumby can lose, then the potential for a Lang-slide (tad cliched) is astronomical.

Former Premier John Brumby

Today, a solemn and sobering look was expressed by John Brumby, as he conceded defeat in front of a packed press conference at 1 Treasury Place, Melbourne. Barely buckling during the speech, except at mention of his family, who acknowledged for their years of support. It marked a significant movement in the environment of Victorian politics.

The past few days have been marked with shock, surprise, and genuinely abnormal activities within the centre of Melbourne. Ranging from the relatively surprising victory, for the Liberal-National Coalition led by Ted Baillieu, to a shut-down of Government buildings after white powder was found in a mail room.

However strange the events were, the future is becoming increasingly clear. Tomorrow, Premier-elect Ted Ballieu will front the cameras in order to declare his coalition’s victory, after counting ends in the crucial seat of Bentliegh.

Bentliegh, a typical “mortgage belt” seat, that was so vital to the success of Mr Baillieu and his party on Saturday night. It was the seats in the Eastern suburbs of Melbourne that deliver a new Government, and new leader for Victoria. These were the seats that only recieved support from Mr Baillieu’s campaign.

A campaign focused on the costs of living and the potential for the future of Victoria. It was simply the voter hip pocket being hit, that hit Mr. Brumby at the ballot box. As Mr. Brumby was the face of his party’s campaign, as their campaign revolved around his economic management. It was this economic management that led to high bills, and in turn higher discontent with his government, within the “mortgage belt”.

Ted Baillieu has always been seen as a likable Liberal leader, not only within his own state, but within the wider media. He is commonly classified a small l liberal, or a moderate to his party members.

It was less of a jump for the electorate to make, from Mr. Brumby to Mr. Baillieu, as being a centrist conservative meant that the usual ideological driven arguments were extinguished, and instead the voters focused on policy. It meant the comparisons to the “cut and burn” approach of Kennett could be cast out the window.

It shows that truly the mantra of “elections are won at the centre of politics” couldn’t be closer to the truth. I hope that other centrist leaders like Barry O’Farrell learn from the lessons of Victoria. I know I have.

Victorian Premier Ted Baillieu

However, this gathering is more than socialising and discussing the finer parts of Labour’s ineptitude. It is, for the first time in 14 years a forum to announce government policies, by cabinet members. On a personal note, I am glad that after so long, the clout of Ken Clarke returns to Conference as a Secretary of State….again. Those hush puppies have been silenced for quite some time.

However, I digress, I shall detail my thoughts on the major speeches of the conference over the coming days.

Kevin Rudd "Where's the Joe?"

The first, is of the much anticipated relocation of former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd, from his Kim Jong-il-esque ronery position on the fringes of fun to foreign fun. As a former diplomat, the relocation was inevitable, and obvious. If his form as Prime Minister is to be used as a yard stick, he will spend more time with Chinese diplomats than his children.

I hope for the sake of safety, that a new training program has been brought in to keep those airlines stewardesses safe. Who knows maybe this time, his fussy nature might be less tolerated due to his new role. Who knows Kevin Rudd may be working on some stand-up material, with a typical ring of “What’s with airline food?”.

For the sake of comedy and all that is sacred, let’s hope he is distracted by Ban Ki Moon beckoning him to a career as a super-diplomat in the UN. Let’s hope the translators can translate Hindi into Australian slang.

Stephen Smith; MP for Perth

The next person of interest, is the man who is to take the role of Defense Minister after Mr John “Falcon Eyes” Faulkner left the role. That man is the MP for Perth; Stephen Smith, most well known for being at times as bland as a new Channel 7 comedy series. His voice is so quiet that on occasions, you can hear the idling of a car over 2 kilometres away (note: this may not be fact).

At a press conference in his electorate of Perth, Mr Smith visibly regretted stating on television that he would stand aside for Kevin Rudd. His new role of Defense Minister is indeed an important one, however, it is not a popular position. As through-out your career, you WILL be the subject of protests against the war. The protests are usually run by a small minority of people, who believe police presence is the legal definition of police brutality.

Queenslander, is the official demonyn of the new Minister for Trade Craig Emerson. In my opinion, this is a move to appease the voters of Queensland, who view Gillard negatively. It could work, however Anna Bligh still exists, so a ministerial promotion will not alleviate the pressure coming from State ranks. In his new role, he will have to fill the shoes once occupied by great men like Simon Crean and Stephen Smith. I hope Craig enjoys his seat at the Cabinet table, I heard they are extremely comfortable.

Personally, the promotion of Penny Wong took me by surprise, well it surprised my logical side. As a fellow member of the Left faction Penny Wong, was a natural factional replacement for Lindsay Tanner. In terms of her ability to fulfill the duties of the role, I am not too sure she is a natural replacement. She has a personality that when portrayed through both the media and reality, is like sandpaper. I had a laugh when Lindsay Tanner spoke, he was a “larakin” where as Senate question time is filled with the monotonous tones I would expect from Chewbacca.

In reflection, we have a new Cabinet for a new three-ish years of “stable” government led by Kath Julia Gillard and Wayne Swan. Now correct me if I am wrong, but it seems the more annoying the voice or duller the personality, the more senior you become.

This truly is the Ministry of Sound.

The delay was caused when the Australian people “rejected” the two mainstream parties (quite impossible under the AV voting system). This saw the election of an independent, Andrew Wilkie in the staunch Labor seat of Denison (on Coalition preferences). The rise of a Green MP, Adam Brandt in the seat of Melbourne (on Coalition preferences). After declaring their support for a Labor government, the final decision lay with three rural former National MPs.

Tony Windsor; MP for New England

Firstly, Tony Windsor, the New England patriot, who would fight tooth and nail for his beloved constituents, and their right to access high speed YouTube clips of cats on slides!

However, a reporter was to discover after weeks of fighting for high speed, censored broadband access, Tony in fact doesn’t own a computer. Though he admits, he learnt how to use a “computer” in the loosest possible sense, when punch cards were use.

In the joint statement with fellow chum, Rob Oakeshott (I shall get to him later). Windsor declared he didn’t support Tony Abbott as he would have “won” a new election. Let me analyse the claim, so Windsor, chose the less popular candidate and party? Logical leaves this man’s mind at the speed of light, and takes a left turn at insanity.

He has also in the previous 24 hours stated that he has been fighting the “natural” choice (referring to Abbott). Usually when presented with two doors, you don’t chose the door which your mind says contains a trap.

Bob Katter; MP for Kennedy (no flattering photo exists)

I shall move onto the self styled, renowned Filipino banana hating, “force from the North”. Oh yes, it is that time that any comedy inclined commentator loves, the time to discuss Bob Katter.

I have two amusing stories of Mr Bob Katter, the first is one of his only television appearances. It was one morning on Sunrise that he instead of answering questions. He decided for 15 minutes, to lecture the audience of overseas imports of bananas, and the death of Billy boiling.

The second story, is one of his campaign events where he turned up 4 hours late, approximately 200 kilometres off course, and slightly intoxicated. He proceeded with the event regardless of his mistake, well he made the audience wait whilst he drove to the right location. Classic Bob.

He campaigned to stick together with his fellow independents, however at the eleventh hour he broke cover and announced his support for an Abbott led Government. This was the end of the race for a coalition victory, it never really started, with the next “character” being offered a Ministry.

Rob Oakeshott; MP for Lyne & Potential Minister

Finally, and with a brilliant flourish comes the man who may be a Minister, Rob Oakeshott. However, I must state the offer of a Ministry played NO role whatsoever, because who has ever wanted a new office, promotion and payrise. Answer: NOT Rob Oakeshott.

However, I must give the MP for Lyne more credit that he currently is receiving. He did stand up for parliamentary reform, in particular Question Time, and the move for an independent Speaker. I know the pain of watching three hours of junior Ministers, prancing around shaping their egos like gardeners shaping hedges. At the point when the Speaker is called upon to cease the tragedy, doesn’t because the partisan Speaker is effectively powerless.

The chances of Mr Oakeshott supporting the Coalition was as likely as me become Chief Cosmonaut for the Russia Aerospace Service. As from the very start Mr Oakeshott was courting ideas too radical for even the most moderate member of the Opposition. Including an idea of a bi-partisan cabinet, a strange idea for anyone of any knowledge of politics. I see that the inspiration comes from the inclusion of Secretary of State for Defence Robert Gates, in President Obama’s Cabinet. However, that system is so completely different to Australia, and most other democracies, that a change so radical would be impossible.

Three Independent; Three More Years

It was these three independents that decided that Labor could form a government for the next three years. Will it last? Most likely not, as Tony Windsor’s support is vital to long-term government. He is more centre-right that whatever the hell Rob Oakeshott is. Already, a crack has appeared with a tax review ignoring the Mining Tax which was allegedly agreed upon between Mr Windsor and Labor.

It is the coalition’s time to show they are more than a party “of the right” and to be a party of alternate and brilliant policy. I hope when I return to Australia, I can help a party I love to make policy the people will love.

Oh Lord

However, like most of the week for Gordon Brown and Labour, it wasn’t going to go well. Like Ed Ball’s performance on the previous evenings Question Time when he ran into a booing audience, a mooing Janet Street-Porter, and a ticked off David Dimbelby. Gordon Brown began to address the crowd of reporters and new crews, with his intent to overshadow bigot-gate, with pretty posters. SUDDENLY, the crowd heard screeches of tires, and saw a car spin out of control into a bus shelter.

Hopes Dashed, Car Smashed

Okay, even I can concede this was a jolly bad bit of luck, but makes for a fantastic metaphor for those in the commentator’s role.

Luckily, I am glad to report the driver is safe, and was uninjured, though Brown may look for some payback!

By attending a meeting, in a location, near a hundred miles from Brown himself.

He said and declared a vote for the Liberal Democrats was not a serious vote, and it is a wasted vote. I agree with Tony, though this happens very rarely, promise.

So Tony rallied the Labour troops, for the final march toward the gates of power, will it help? Not really Tony made a previous appearance which was described by one of the Labour old glitterati as “like seeing your ex-boyfriend, the one who was really bad to you”

Model Pose by Former PM Tony Blair

The picture above is simply entitled “Daydream Believer”

The final debate this week saw the three men focus on one thing and one thing alone, the economy. The bastion of perceived strength for Gordon Brown, the Iron Chancellor, as he named himself. However, and luckily, the debate was taken by the man of the evening and the next Prime Minister, David Cameron. Who showed that the idea of the “Big Society” was an economic ideal, as well as a social one.

Clegg was his usual self, looking at the barrel of the camera, and forgetting peoples names, questions, and even what they looked like. This was annoying to have the line “just nod, as we can’t ask you questions” and “where are you?” uttered at least one thousand times, it was like watching high school debating. A future Prime Minister needs to at least know which voter he is talking to, and what they asked.

"One Legged Clegg, and One Leg Down Brown"

On May 6th, please for the sake of the future, vote for a Big Society, and not a big State or a big fool.

It shall be sad, as there will be no change, and no difference in the way the country is run, and it will starve the economy.

A bad parliament, is a hung parliament. It’s not balanced if the majority is on the left, idiots.

"Looks like a lost puppy"

Please welcome back to the political divide, Malcolm Turnbull, a man who has obviously been spurred on by the utter idiocy of the Rudd Government. Though we all have an idea what really brought him back, the decision of the Rudd Government not to assist in environmental action, by canceling the politically dangerous ETS (Emissions Trading Scheme). Because we all know the only balls in the government, belong to Penny Wong and Julia Gillard.

Welcome back Mr Turnbull